direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize