he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
