I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
