Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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