just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
