do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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