I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
