he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
