i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
