Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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