I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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