Someone shit on the floor
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
