I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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