i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
