Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
