Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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