He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
