I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
