So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
