you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize