I want to stick my p in your. b.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
