you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
