im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I supernannyed him into submission
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize