I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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