very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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