I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
