your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
