You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
