whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
