Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
