you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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