she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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