No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
