On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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