After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
