I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
