all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
