I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize