I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
