hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
