and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
