Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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