Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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