somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
