dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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