JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
