You can't motorboat a personality
even my farts smell like vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
