She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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