I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
