So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
