this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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