I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
