What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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