I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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