I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize