i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
