i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
