omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize