i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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