Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
