??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am naked and annoyed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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