Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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