My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
