none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
