what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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