NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
