I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
