What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
