Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
