my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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