My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
