My vagina just recognized that song.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
