you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
