We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
