i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
