...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
