I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
