fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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