Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
