so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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