tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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