Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
