he thought i was a dude.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
