I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
