I want to have your abortion
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
