Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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