is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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