im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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