Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
